I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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