we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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