I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
