her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
