Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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