the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
