I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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