I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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