I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
