remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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