If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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