Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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