He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
