They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
