she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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