So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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