She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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