her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
