Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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