I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
