wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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