Did you just see the Batmobile???
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Blow job season was short but glorious.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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