when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
