I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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