let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
did you just send me my own nude
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
