Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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