I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
