I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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