I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
