my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
