I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
