My first STD was from a foam party
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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