She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
