I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
be right there i have to get my cape
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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