Please, let me fuck your mom
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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