i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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