So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
