it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
