i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
