I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
