Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
