Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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