i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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