thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
