All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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