I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
