I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
