ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
