I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
