i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
