So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
