If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
